Irving; For Whom I Am Sorry

Son, are your kicks made of felt or some such disrespect?
Time was I could have you ejected from my property for such an insult
but times change, and not always for the better
Let it be known well and by all, though
that I think you’re a plum fool
and woe beget the assclown who wilfully considers themselves your associate

Footwear like that can scarcely be described as such
Maroon upper and everything – the signature of poor breeding

I know you probably think me harsh, but honestly
I lambast you in your best interests
and more importantly, those of society’s –
Bad shoes hinder good men
in a variety of insidious ways
(physically, emotionally, professionally, you name it-)

Moments like these force me to wonder what’s left for a species
Must have been a day when even the dodos must have thought,
‘it’s the 17th century and we still can’t fly;
we deserve our fate’

Such barefaced inbecility has an unsavory audacity to it
I’ve enjoyed our little exchange of ideals
but I’ll hear no more of it
I’m going to continue going about my life now –
a little happier for having given you a piece of my mind
but from time to time
I’ll remember your shoes
and it’ll ruin my day.


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